


Tom’s Diner

by andicanthelpfallinginlovewithyou



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Id ref that b99 thing but its too long and im lazy, M/M, Sha//ladins dont interact, Ups my hand slipped and i made a new chapter, alright ladies lets get EMOTIONAL, angsty oneshot, but god shiros mlm and i couldnt be happier, but yall know the one, ill be real i cried writing this, prequel to s1e1, thats right its a twoshot now!, this is like five hours after their argument in the 1st episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-14 22:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andicanthelpfallinginlovewithyou/pseuds/andicanthelpfallinginlovewithyou
Summary: After they’ve had time to cool their heads, Shiro and Adam have an honest talk about their relationship. It somehow hurts more than a screaming fight ever could.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Don’t expect me to wait for you.”_

-

Adam threw his book down and sighed, staring at the ceiling. His undershirt itched, and his mind wouldn’t slow down. He sat up, tucking his feet under his thighs, and stared at the wall. 

His mouth twisted, tasting foul as he recalled his words earlier that day, and he desperately wished he could take them back, express his wishes more concisely. But, even if he could, he couldn’t think of anything he could say that would make his words hurt any less. Still, he could have avoided the using words like ‘if you go’ and ‘I won’t wait.’ He felt like an insolent child. 

He jumped as the record scratched, where it had been playing softly in the background. He stood and shuffled over, the hems of his pyjama-bottoms too long for his legs. He flipped the record over and reset the needle. Grainy, nostalgic music flowed through the air, gently reached through him and tugging on his soul. 

This was the song he had been listening to when he realized that he was in love with Shiro, when they shared their first kiss. They had been dancing, gently waltzing in an empty gymnasium, Shiro guiding him through his awkward beginner’s stage, even though he wasn’t anything resembling competent himself. The song ended — it wasn’t very long — and he set the needle back to the beginning. 

His thoughts were harshly interrupted by a quick knock. He knew who it was, and rushed to answer the door before Takashi could bolt. 

He stood on the doorstep, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. They shared the apartment, but Takashi had been living in the teachers’ barracks since he was currently taking a more active role in mentoring and teaching. He was dressed down, a pair of worn jeans and a grey, long-sleeved shirt. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it. 

“I’m sorry,” Adam blurted out. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. It wasn’t respectful, and-“ 

“Can I come in?” 

Adam closed his mouth with a sharp click and nodded, standing aside. Takashi stepped in, taking off his shoes. He waited for him to lead the way.

Adam let his hands flutter uselessly and sat down on the couch, his abandoned copy of _The Martian_ still sitting on the floor. Takashi picked it up, the edge of a smile plucking at his lips. 

“Haven’t you read this eight times already?”

Adam shrugged. The motion felt awkward and forced. “It’s my favourite.” His reply was off-kilter and obvious, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

Shiro cocked his head, listening intently, still holding the book in his hands. “Suzanne Vega?” His slight accent curled around the name, like a pleased house cat.

“The very same.” If he recalled correctly, he drunkenly proclaimed his undying sexual attraction to Takashi with the tunes of a different Vega song. Or maybe to one by R.E.M..

He smiled, setting down the book and offering his hand. “Dance with me?” 

Adam raised an eyebrow. “It’s not a dancing song.” 

Takashi smiled winningly. “That didn’t bother me the first time.” 

Adam snorted, and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He automatically tucked himself into Takashi’s arms, one arm wrapped around his back, other hand clasped in his, resting his head on his shoulder. 

Takashi guided them around the room, humming along with the song. Finally, after a few minutes of indulgence, Adam forced himself to speak. 

“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. But-“ 

“I understand. And I’m sorry too.”

He sighed, feeling Takashi lean against him. “I love you, maybe more than anything. I wish things were different.” 

Takashi hummed, his breath tickling his neck. “I wish it was too. But this is what I need to do. I only have this one chance to be apart of something like this, and I want to spend the time I have left helping people.” He held Adam closer. “But I also want to spend it with you.”

Adam turned his face away, pressing his nose to his shoulder. “I know, know, but I’m scared, and I wanted to marry you so badly, but-“ 

“You did?” Takashi had the audacity to sound surprised, and Adam couldn’t help but flick him on the shoulder. 

“I wasn’t subtle, you know. I don’t believe your fake shock for a second.”

Takashi was quiet, their dancing turned to swaying on the spot as the song came to an end. A new, bouncier song started to play, and he reached over and turned the volume knob all the way down, too far away to reach the off switch. His muscles were stiff under Adam’s fingers. “But not anymore.” 

Adam forced himself to step away. “We both have ourselves to think about. You have to do this, I get that. But I can’t. It’s too much for me, and-” He couldn’t think of a way to finish his sentence, and left it hanging. He hated hanging sentences. 

Takashi nodded, face expressionless. “I get it.” He stepped forward, his palm gently cradling Adam’s cheek. “I want you to be happy. And I’m sorry that it couldn’t be with me.” He surged forward, planting a kiss that left him almost dizzy, and falling in love again. Not that he had ever fallen out. “God, I wish it could be with me.” 

Adam sighed. The record scratched. He could remember exactly how that scratch came to be: he always handled his records with fastidious care, and Takashi — Shiro — was significantly less cautious. Or, he had been, before Adam had forcefully taught him not to drop vinyl on the ground. “Good luck on your mission.” 

Shiro smiled crookedly. “Luck’s got nothing on me,” he boasted. A laugh bubbled out of Adam’s chest, and for a moment, he could forget the agony under his sternum, sitting and growling like a caged beast. 

-

_“The Kerberos mission, the most anticipated space expedition since Calypso’s mission to Jupiter, has been reported as a catastrophic failure. The ship’s crew, including father and son Samuel Holt and Matthew Holt, as well as pilot Takashi Shirogane, have been declared missing in action, and have possibly been killed, due to a piloting error . . .”_

Adam sank to his knees. “No,” he whispered.

-

“Please, we come from a peaceful planet! We mean you no harm! We’re unarmed!” 

“Silence!” 

Something hit Shiro, hard. The air was knocked out of his lungs. He coughed on the craft’s floor, terror coursing through his limbs. Only one thought truly made sense to him. 

_Adam, I’m so sorry._


	2. For You, A Thousand Times Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Shiro’s reunion.

It wasn’t like a movie. Adam didn’t know why he was expecting it be like a movie. 

**One hour earlier**

He grunted as he sat up, listening to the pattering rain, awakened by phantom pain and real aches.

He ground his palm against his thigh, trying to work away the pain. His leg, now ending at six inches above his knee, always ached when it rained. It was a little funny, he thought. He was so worried about Takashi and his illness that he hadn’t bothered to check up on himself. He was lucky the tumour hadn’t spread. He wasn’t lucky for much else.

There was a knock on the door. He blearily reached for his leg, ignoring the pinch as he reattached it to his thigh. With a wobble that used to be a full-on sway, he stood, and walking to the door. He didn’t much like the uneven sound of his gait, and he doubted that he ever would. 

He yawned as he looked through the peephole, and fought to contain a gasp. He wrenched the door open, and froze in his tracks, taking him in. 

Takashi was . . . different. His hair looked like someone had developed a negative of his photo, it was so white. His right arm had been replaced by a silver-blue prosthetic that was high-tech enough to fidget, it seemed, and there was a faded scar across his nose. He was damp in the romcom-rainy-confession sort of way. 

Takashi opened his mouth, and flushed. “Just like before I left, huh?” 

Adam barely heard him. He launched himself at Takashi, locking his arms around his waist and burrowing into his arms, heedless of the rain. He was a little broader than he remembered, and a little taller. 

Takashi took a moment before he wrapped him in his arms, laying his head on his shoulder. “It’s good to be home, love.” 

Adam wasn’t ashamed of admitting that he was crying. “That’s it? Been gone for four years, getting shot at and tortured and waging war out in space, and it’s good to be home?” He knew he wasn’t making much sense. “Couldn’t even shoot me a text?” 

“I sent a tape! Well, my clone did, I guess, but-“ 

Adam pulled away, silencing Takashi with a finger to his lips. “You and I are going to have words, my friend. Many, _many_ words.” He sighed, leaning their foreheads together. “I need a drink. Come in.” 

-

Adam was three cups of tea in when he began to burrow into Takashi’s embrace again, refusing to move as he laid his head against his heart. Takashi was nursing his second glass of wine, and didn’t seem to mind. 

His hand drifted down Adam’s spine, counting the vertebrae, sliding along the curve of his left leg, touching the prosthetic with light fingers. 

“How did this happen?” 

Adam sighed, relaxing more than he had in years. “Bone cancer. Stage three. I was so worried about you, I didn’t bother to worry about me. It started in the knee joint, and was only going to get worse, if I didn’t amputate.” His hand travelled to Takashi’s, hand wrapping around the warmish synthetic. “How did this happen?” 

“When- when the Kerberos mission failed-“ 

Adam shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me,” he whispered. 

Takashi took a deep breath. “When we were taken prisoner, I was put into the gladiator ring, with Matt. I injured him, to keep him from fighting, and I went in his stead.” He pressed his cheek to Adam’s hair, his breaths tickling his ear. “I was good. Really good. I became the Champion, and they took my arm, to improve upon me. That arm was a weapon, and it was used to control me.” He held out his arm, pointing to the kanji etched into the space just before the joint of his elbow. “This one was made by Pidge, Hunk, and Coran.” He wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him closer as he settled into the couch. 

Adam hummed. “We match. I guess we’re both a little broken,” he said, trying for a joke. 

Shiro squeezed him tighter. “Not broken. Just different. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. You shouldn’t have had to face that, without someone there for you. I know how that feels, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” 

Adam curled his fingers tighter, fisting Takashi’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Torture and war and gladiator rings — who the hell comes up with that much shit?” He sighed, and worked on unclenching his jaw. “Your rope is full of knots, mister.” 

Takashi snorted, his laugh echoing through his body. “I don’t think it’s a rope. More like a very scratched-up record.” 

Adam poked him in the side. Takashi’s legs were happily twining themselves against his, one settled between his thighs, the other framing his hip against the couch. “That’s not how it works, and you know it.” He was suddenly too sleepy to argue, and burrowed deeper into his embrace. “We are continuing this argument in the morning.”

Takashi laughed again, milder this time. “Of course, love.” He pressed a kiss to Adam’s forehead. “Godnat, min trold.” 

-

“Takashi, what does that kanji mean?” 

“‘Adam owns this ass.’” 

“Takashi . . .” 

“Fine, fine, it means ‘For you, a thousand times over.’”

A pause.

“Adam?” 

“That’s cheesy, and you know it.” 

“It worked on you, didn’t it?” 

“Yeah, I guess it did.”

-

Somehow, it was better than a movie. It was better than his dreams. It was better than anything he could have cooked up, while high on the special chemistry coffee that Hannaday usually made him test and running on three hours of sleep over two days. It was real, tangible beneath his fingers, and in this scenario, Adam had a man to ravish in four years of reeled-in affection.

He was in love, all over again — not that he had ever fallen out of it. And it seemed that Takashi hadn’t either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall need to check out k-eith ‘s Arab Adam headcanons bc they are meget fantastisk. Im a sucker for Arab-Danish Adam myself, as you can see. The title is a line from the kiterunner, because im a sucker for devotion lines too.
> 
> Godnat - good night  
> Min trold - my troll (I’m excited to use that one on my future man)
> 
> As always, consructive criticism is encouraged and appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is probabaly the first time i’ve written angst. 
> 
> I wrote this in eight minutes, approximately two hours after I learned the good news. I am crying now, and I will cry later.
> 
> The title is based off of the song “Tom’s Diner” by Suzanne Vega, and Adam has about 932 vinyl records hiding in his closet. You don’t need to know this, but its important to me that you do. 
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is encouraged and appreciated. Thanks for reading!


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